A little bit of why

I'm, by no means, an expert about human interaction.   The George Zimmerman trial and it's aftermath have been on my mind.   The evidence points to Trayvon Martin brutally beating George Zimmerman.  George Zimmerman was following Trayvon Martin, which directly influenced the events that followed.     I need to further gather my thoughts.   Like I said.....this has really been on my mind.

Proverbs are us

It has been a thought filled day.   In guess, in some respects, that could be a good or a bad thing.   When I left the house for the second time today, I came up behind a man on a motorcycle.  It didn't hurt that he was muscular and when he turned to the side, very attractive and older!   eijfod[e92329ka'

Sorry about that....had to clean the drool off my keyboard.

Okay, ANYWAY....it wasn't so much his biceps that induced a thought exercise this morning, it was his shirt.....which read

"Think Less

Live More

Feel Better"

Generally, I don't go to the t-shirt doctor for my proverbs, but something sort of resonated with.   ......Well, resonate may not be the correct word.   It was more a feeling that came along with it.   I was angry, annoyed, pissed, agitated, bothered, dissatisfied..... and another whole list of upset-like descriptors.....because there are simply no bad emotions, just douche-bags on motorcycles with clichéd-up t-shirts that make you want to.................................................................

You S-E-E, I was truly not angry, just disgusted with this sort of hucksterism in the form of magic-pill-chasing, ne'er do wells who wanna have a conversation about my weight, lack of personal happiness, and wealth.

I would say I simply do not give a fuck, but that sad state is that I do give a fuck and the fuck I give is for one simple reason.   There are those of us who simply do not walk around smiling so that you feel YOUR life has meaning.  The intrinsic value I hold for simply being me should not be trivialized or diminished for not being you with your Mary-Poppins-meets-Maria-Von-Trap self.   I do not want to have a tea party on the ceiling.   I do not want to frolic on a mountain top and learn to sing while wearing clothing made from drapery, no matter HOW expensive said drapery is.

You see, I am me...that is all.   I am happy when I look like someone poisoned my puppy.   I find humor in the nuances of life that may be macabre for some, but I still have joy. And while I may be nearing the one ton mark at break-neck speed...I simply do not have the time to indulge in a "think less" live more Herbal Essences orgasm because I'm too busy reading up on the issues that fucking effect me, like marriage equality, educational spending, religion and corruption (which seem to go hand-in-hand these days) and a plethora of other issues.  So, while you may choose to bury your head in the sand, I will keep reading and thinking and writing.  I will attend rallies and join with a chorus of voices that tell our oppressors, "We are mad as hell and we are gonna start kicking ass!".

However, for stress relief, I can go for a walk with my Ipod and listen to upbeat positive music, which I have much of...also I have a category called "sad" for when I need to cry (which will be covered in a much, much, much later/different post).   I can focus on the chakra and my family and my life and live fully knowing for the pain I sometimes endure in the form of really really dumb people.....my children's lives will be just a little bit better.

Quite honestly, I can live with that.  

Things that are better not left unsaid

At first I thought that I was over thinking it.   Then I thought I was investing to much energy in it.    Now I'm on the precipice of discovery, looking into the light of day.

Its not often that I have less levity in my general thought process.  Outwardly, I a fairly serious person....in thought, not so much.   I have an urge "reign it in" as much as possible.

In recent weeks, a lot of interesting, landmark and somewhat tragic things have occurred in terms of equality in the United States.   As I keep reading blogs and articles, I find several schools of thought.   One of these that there are far more important things going on than these civil issues, things such as joblessness, homelessness, wars, etc....  Another school of thought is the "YAY for civil rights side".   In this school of thought, unfortunately there is a lot of division that doesn't even have to be expressed in school of thought number one.  I will touch more on this later.    The third school of thought is where the bigots in the audience become incredibly pissed because I just said bigot (clue one that you are, IN FACT, a bigot).

Why the serious note you ask?   Its really quite simple.   Its been on my mind.  Really, it is just THAT simple.

Some of the recent headlines have been Paula Deen's racism, the undefense of DOMA, the proverbial nose being thumbed at Prop 8 supporters and the changes in the Voter's Right Act.   Obviously, these are just the tip of the iceberg..but they are in the forefront right now.   The question is...where do we go from here.

I am a gay man.  I have many friends in the LGBT community.  I have many ethnic, non-white friends.   I listen to their opinions as I'm contemplating an issue.   It gives deeper meaning by getting a bit a view from a life I haven't lived.  I'll never be a single, black mother.   I'll never be a female-to-male latino.   As my boyfriend is white, I will not experience being in a mixed relationship.   For me, these things have a common thread.  Its not that I can't or won't experience them...its that they are outside my scope, outside my frame of reference.

Then comes the next part of my reasoning.  To be offended that anyone used the word "niggar", do I have to be black?   As a white man, can I be annoyed, pissed, threatened, etc...that another black person is using this word in the same demeaning way a white person might use it?  The same thing applies to the word "fag".   Do I, as a gay man get a free pass to use hateful language, even if that language is used in a "playful" way?   Are these simply double-standards or is it a group of people taking power out of a word used to oppress them, strip them of their rights and cement them into a seat-without-a-view?

I read in another blog by a black, southern man that Paula Deen's foreray into the miasma of race relations is marked by her disrespect for the roots of southern cooking.  In this, black slaves had a whole sub culture that was built into and around southern cooking.   Its an interesting outlook.  It becomes more than just the choice of a word or the ideal antebellum wedding.  It becomes a pervasive view of those who hold a southern white woman in high esteem who is hocking southern cooking and the accompanying recipes as something her mother taught her and who's mother taught her...   All the while, it has to eventually go back to some plantation where a house slave was cooking up the same dish for possibly the first time in a far away place in the minds of those of us who decry racism.

Lets step for a bit into time to the Civil Rights era.   People fought hard and many died on the way to gain equal freedoms with the Voting Rights Act.  Many of the people who were there are still alive and are incredulous at backwards momentum.   I have read and reread as much as I can on the parts that were axed.   I am in full disagreement with allowing any state to make changes to voting structure without prior approval.   This is a protection, not just for black Americans, but also for anyone who has a dissenting view from the majority of a particular district, whether they be Conservative or Liberal.   As for the whole identification required aspect, I'm not opposed to this.   We can debate the idea of a "poll tax" until we are blue in the face.   Most states have laws on the books that require all adults to have photo identification on them at all times, so why would something as important as voting have anything less?   That said, a state id should be free.   I also feel that the only id's that should be allowed are driver's license, state id or a passport.   Note, all of those forms of id have a photo on them.  Allowing gun licenses, especially expired gun licenses, while denying student id's is a slap in the face of democracy and an obvious nod to the racism of yesteryear.  

On the subject of gay rights, I hear a variety of ever-so-lovely sentiments.   My black friends believe its a Civil Rights issue.   Meanwhile, I hear that many black people feel that it's in no way the same thing and a slap in their faces.   Okay, let's be clear...they are called Civil Rights because everyone is supposed to have them.  We aren't supposed to be voting on Civil Rights.  We shouldn't have had to vote on the rights of black men and women to be considered human.   We shouldn't have had to enter into public debate as to whether woman could become infertile if they thought too much as an excuse to deny them rights as human beings and citizens of the United States.   Likewise, claiming mental illness and the accompanying derision to deny men and women of the LGBT community equal treatment under the Constitution is just as vulgar.

The same train of thought that brought us slavery and discrimination hundreds of years ago, a hundred years ago, sixty years ago, one year ago, yesterday...... its still present.   Unfortunately, most of it is rooted in antiquated systems of belief that have their foundations in religion.   When mixed couples wanted to marry, they were told it was an offense to god.  When women wanted to leave the home to pursue careers, they were told that god intended for them to stay continually pregnant and raise good Christian soldiers.   Honestly, people with this type of mental acuity could use a "Betty Crocker" cookbook to justify their most malignant viewpoints.

As we move forward, its getting better...but as the recent Voting Rights Act reversal shows us, we can never rest on our laurels.   This is especially true when we still have Representatives being shut down in their state Senates by the invocation of "God's Law".

Adventures in your local Target

Let me first say that it is incredibly humid in the New York City area.   As a transplant from St. Louis, the humidity really wouldn't be something that would normally bother me, except that I have added to my considerable girth (sadly no height to go along with it), so when my thighs rub together, if I were wearing parachute pants....it would be something akin to the Sally Field taking flight with her cornette (yes, that is what her habit was actually called).   However, in my case, it would be a lot less majestic looking.   I can just imagine the people screaming and running in terror, although I'm fairly certain some of the Queens living in the area would be doing so simply because of the fact that I was wearing parachute pants.

This is where some witty transition sentence should be inserted...but I couldn't think of anything....so moving on.

So I arrive at Target (said with a snotty French accent...for effect)...color me Julia Child....

I have with me monster #1, the boy-crazy-tom-boy-thing, and monster #2, the chicken-legs-monster.   At 11 and 8, there are such a joy to be around sometimes.   Chicken-legs-monster (CLM) has a particular problem with her face, mainly that she wears her feelings on it (she comes by it honestly, because I'm notorious for the same damn thing).  Boy-crazy-tom-boy-thing (BCTBT) is developing acne and just developing in general.

Our trip is marked by the fact that I will purchasing with BCTBT, brassieres.   She already has some, but they are sports bras and she needs some regular ones.   Obviously, being male, its not like I'm going to go in with her.   I have to rely on her own judgment (this is where I get screwed, as you will find out later).   I tell her to make sure its snug, but not tight and not loose.   I think I would have been more comfortable showing them both how to put a condom on a fucking banana.   I don't have issues with women's under garments, just that a girl, even a tom boy needs some privacy and understanding.   That will qualify as my one and only nod to Parenting 101...at least for now.  That was fairly error free, although I felt my brain slowly melting into my shoes as I waited for what seemed like an eternity for her to complete this expedition in the women's changing room.

It was upon leaving said store with the gigantic bulls eye on it that I discovered  A) I had forgotten a specific beverage for a specific boyfriend who has been feeling unspecifically under the weather....(even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious).
..........................oh, please be aware that I often break into song mentally or I am reminded about things via song lyrics.    Its sort of like tying a ribbon around your finger, but in my case its more like having a treble-clef shoved up my ass.
B) Two other items were, in fact, the wrong size.   BCTBT is not really cognizant of her surroundings, much like I am not cognizant as I head into the abyss at the bottom of a quart of ice cream.   She is 11 and quite normal in size and shape for age so 10/12 is the way to go.    I had to bite my tongue (nearly off) as I opened a bag to find size 6x shorts....seriously what the fuck?    So, I decided to let her take this moment to learn from her mistake by telling me what was wrong.   Fifteen minutes later, as I'm melting (standing by the kitchen, where lunch is brewing), she says "I don't know".   That's it..I DON'T KNOW.   Later you will hear about my mommy dearestesque moment from about two months ago.    I asked her to try them on and that's when she caught on or possibly caught wind of my slightly annoyed infused breath and discovered that HEY, they are the wrong size.

The aftermath of this that I have two pairs of the wrong size shorts to exchange.   Honestly, part of the blame falls on me for not checking.    My annoyance is more so that I absolutely hate returning things.   I don't like waiting, I don't like the eyes darting back from the item I'm returning to me.   Call it a neurosis it you like, but I DON'T return things...I just don't, well...I do, but I would rather soon have dental work done.

The the inane in my brain

Okay...so......

Here's the story of a lovely lady.....

Once upon a time......

For the love of corn.......

Writing is hard.......

The end.....?

Okay, so its not the end.   Its the beginning.   I guess perhaps a good place to start is with my selection of blog name.   It is best to start with formalities or is it better to end with formalities.  I'm fairly certain they don't belong in the middle...but then so few things do (unless its a sandwich of some kind...either cookie, meaty or involving two other people....)

So, back on topic, I discovered many years ago that the adage of life, lemons and lemonade really didn't do much for me.   When I'm handed anything by life, who I am assuming has a fucking lemon grove and a deep-seated desire to prevent scurvy, I tend to look at it and study it thoroughly before doing anything with it.   YES, apparently enigmas are wrapped in lemons!  So I took the next logical step in my train of thought and discovered my first real journal (which has sadly been lost) that I titled "Perplexing Lemons".   I was a teenager and full of faux-angst....not like the real angst I'm saddled with now.

On a slightly (albeit minute) more serious note, I claim to be no expert.   This is just my life and the world around me viewed through my own unique perspective.   You either like it or you don't...and often you will probably hate it and then really like it.    If we are talking strictly of life, that is also how I see it...sometimes I hate it, sometimes I like it, but I'm rarely in the middle (fukitoll).

Also, as a point of interest reference, while I am fairly verbose and have a decent grasp of English grammar, I still do this a lot   "blah blah blah.......blah blah blah...blah..blah...blah blah...blah blah blah"...although usually there are actual words involved, so it sounds a lot less like the adults from Peanuts.

Back to the topic at hand, let me be clear.   I tend to say and write whatever leaps from the wellspring of giddy wonderment that is trapped between my ears.   Often that is without a filter.  I can be very profane, hotheaded, ill tempered and just flat wrong.   However, in my wrongness, I often find my voice and that voice usually points me to more solid ground in my thinking.   Also, I firmly believe this.

               Having an opinion on which flavor of ice cream tastes better requires no evidence because it is simply your opinion.  However, having an opinion about issues such as homosexuality, abortion, women's rights, and pretty much any other politically charged, scientific or important issue/discussion requires substantial evidence and critical thinking...or you are simply spouting bullshit.

 I leave you with this.  It is a quote that I have found has a lot of significance for me...also, he was purportedly a south-paw, so he has to be correct!

“You are not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand.”  

                                                                                                          ― Woodrow Wilson