Ebb and flow is not just a quality I hold....its a quality held by all humans. We move in and out of....well Everything. From moment to moment, small changes and sometimes, big changes happen. In our culture, we seem to talk an inordinate amount about New Year's Resolutions. Given that it is now March...it would be cheating (you hear me...C-H-E-A-T-I-N-G) to determine a new goal for the New Year at this point.
Moving forward as I continually am, living in the past, as is my unfortunate habit...I seem to miss a lot of the world going on around me. Its too easy to get caught up in the minutia of how to form a proper thought about the hows and whys of human behavior. Is there a point that I can simply say...."it's time to just live"? Its easier said than done when you live life as if you are on the penultimate cliff and aren't quite ready to commit to flying as a vocation you are adapted to.
I have friends and family around me saying "you are perfect the way you are". I think most of us do, but its difficult to let the straw man of your nightmares slip away into the void while looking at our reflections in the mirror. I can easily wax philosophical with the best of the philosophers. I can also dream with the dreamers and hope with the hopers....but is sure has not netted me an ounce of calm.
The best way to describe my view of my life is to say that I'm the being born into and of chaos. I don't think I truly know what to do with wit and whimsey. Thoughts seem to crystallize into this eternal pillar of "so what?". I need persuasion to understand the logic of reality, of life.
Okay, now that I have meandered through my thoughts, picking daisies as I move along, what is the point (which by now...if you are still reading, you are probably wondering).
I'm not settled, I guess that's it. Yeah, I think that its just that I'm not settled. You know that feeling when you veg out and you should be relaxing, but you can't because even though you don't have any energy to do anything, you have a deep desire to not be where your ass is planted......
YEAH, that's me....pretty much all the time.
My brain will not shut off and it really needs to at times, because of my proclivity for saying everything I think (often before its thought). Some might call is honesty...I call it "how to lose all your friends in under 10 minutes".
I honestly don't know where this was going....I was wandering around somewhere near to a point. Perhaps this is one of those days that I just really don't have a point....I am just thinking aloud. I feel the urge to just break free today....run through a field (if I enjoyed nature more) with my hands up. In the literal sense, I wouldn't simply because its too damn cold and also, I would probably collapse in a heep on the ground before I made it very far. Still, its fun to dream the dream.
